Bonecraft review from a german player (wall of text/spoilers included,care)

[KingKali]

Hello guys,

I wanted to write a short review about my experiences of Bonecraft. So what u gonna read is about it in detail and some examples of my playtime. I apologize beforehand because im not an american or british person, so pardon me if some of my words have grammar issues.
To start I have to say that I played and really enjoyed Bonetown. It felt like some adult GTA. Even though my friends laughed about it,they were curious about it and so was I. I acutally played 50 or more hours in Bonetown and even called my Dungeon Defenders huntress "Pochacuntes" to honour a game that I really like and enjoyed. So my anticipation/expectations of Bonecraft were quiet high. I had my doubts about the setting and looked into the trailers. So i laughed sometimes and liked the adult scenes. But the gameplay trailers made me sceptic. So i bought the game for 30 Euro and here is what I experienced.

Start: Nice intro, looked funny and I enjoyed the Roboho bot. the voices are ok and I liked the comments. The tutorial was easy and clear and well done. After beating myself through some marines I crashed on the orc/elf planet. Well, after watching the new menue with new weapons,marines and sex positions (that I liked) i started playing.
KILL 30 ORCS!
I did that and then.....i had to repeat it....wtf......???i thought I did something wrong or I failed, but acutally was the second submission of three that I had to make. Ok, its just the starting mission,it will change. So i kept on playing and then my Roboho was invisible. I had to search the forums. If my english would be any worse........i would still look at an invisible roboho. So i found the solution and kept on playing. After bashing through tons of endlessly respawning orcs, i had to check some altars. I did that too and then defended them which was also....in the same area. that complete mission was frustating because of the only kill that, kill that style. The guns are nice,the action too, but thats it. After 1 hour of shooting i felt bored. Next mission was the same ,only with having sex with orc chicks while avoind to get killed by orcs. After that, i had to destroy gay looking elf statues which was the most annyoing misson ever. While trying to damage the statue u get constantly harassed by tons of gay elf looking soldiers that throw their weapons at u and nearly always hits. Adding to that, archers on trees pin point u down on the same time. Pretty much it was : running,shooting,knocked down,again and again and again till u die. So i found the elf queen, killed the other remaining opponents (dick plants/alien dick invaders) in 3 or 4 more missions like that and slept with her. finito.game finished. i just thought: WTF!already over????. I just went from the starting island to the gay elf area.....yes,thats it. the game is over. All u can do is to have sex in the fantasy mode.
All in all lets summon the facts.
Pro:
-Cool setting.
-A lot of potential. Guns, a lot of them cause guns are always good.
- More sex positons. Nice to look at and funny. Good animated Chicks. Bigger breasts.
-Voiceover is well done.
-U can control minions. Fighting is ok,not the best but ok.
Con:
-Extreme small world. No comparable to bonetown at all. u can move through the game area in 3-4 minutes.
-Graphics are bad. The chicks do look nice, but the world is all washed up and it looks like some guys randomly put textures together. Walls, the ground, trees and houses/tents.....eye cancer in its best.....Gun fire looks like spraying mud at ur opponents.
- Did I mention that the game was short? I needed 4 hours, including searching for bug fixes to play through the game. Worth 30 Euro/35dollar?Not at all. 15dollar or 10 Euro if it would be a mod ok.....but not more.
-The missiondesign is probably the worst i've seen so far. Bonetown was fun cause u had to explore. This part completly falls away. Its onesided. Follow this,do that .....over. Its simple mass killing of orc/gay elfs and thats it.
-Sex: Bonetown: Ur stamina/balls were important. That is no longer an important aspect. Ur the pimp from the start and u can "wrangle" any chick u want. The sex itself is much faster till the chick reaches the orgasm (just a question of several seconds) and over. No challenge from this side. Boring in my eyes. By the way: u have no balls!u simply are a sex terminator.
-Story: Is there a story? no there is not. Go kill that and bang the chick,kill that and on and on and on. Special rewards after missions like in bonetown does not excist.
-Visuals: U can not change the look of ur character. U always look the same. No new armors, no new Voices......boring.
-Fights: With guns its ok. later on it gets depressing. U get hit tons of times from archers or thrown weapons. The same knockback like in bonetown exists here too. So you sit more time on ur ass than u are actually fighting. Worst and most annoying part after the length of Bonecraft.
Gameconcept: the idead behind looks like: Hey guys,what do boys like: WoW. What else? Starcraft. Cool lets make a game out of it and put sex in it. Boom,Bonecraft was born.
I don't know what D-Dub took so long to make it. If they are a 5 man team I can understand it,but i guess there are more than 5 developers behind that game. So why does it look and feels like a mod to me?

Final conclusion: i bought it, they have my money. In the end I can say i won't play it anymore, i already deleted it. It was boring and I was more annoyed about the bugs and worse story that made me fight gay overpowered elfs. The chicks look ok, but the grapic is outdated. I missed some variety between the girls, cause most of the girls are all slim and just have different textures. The missions were the worst of the worst. All in all the guns and voices of the main hero could not overweight the negative game feeling i had.
I won't buy another D-Dub software thats for sure. Cause in my eyes, Bonecraft looks like a simple,fast produced,sexed up product for some of the 11 million WoW players out there. Maybe D-Dub wanted to get some of those fans,even if it were just 2-3%. I don't know. The only thing I can say: it's not Bonetown, its a simple sex game without any kind of a sandbox world with guns and no humor.


the end.

byebye from a sad bonetown fan......

[Eldunesh]

I'm desperately hoping they release some more content soon or something cuz if not, I'm right behind you buddy.

[grom76]

Grow up both of you. Who got you hyped up to think that this was going to be bonetown 2. Get overyourselves and enjoy the game for what it is a sexed up spoof of WOW.

[Korbe78]

Yes, too many compare this to BT instead of just reviewing it as is. Y not compare it to
other... oh yeah there isn't any other! LOL. ppl have no vision of the possible future that
could be for this market if it just had the proper support. try playing this stoned off ur ass
while ur girlfriend gives u head! now we're gaming!

[KingKali]

@last two posts: exactly thats why d dub made that game.for retards like u. if u wanna have sex,go find some chicks. If they release bonetown and then bonecraft....of course i compare it. The complete game/mod was worse. Compared or not. If u are happy with a herpaderp game that has no quality at all so be it but I am not. Playing a game only for fapping....what a bunch of trolls u two guys are. Like i said: 2-3% of the WoW population....looks like D Dub already found two. A game is supposed to be fun and not frustrating. And bonecraft isn't much fun. Its nice for the first 1-2 hours and then simply boring.Well, like u said: u can only enjoy it stoned.......what a sentence.

@grom: i never expected bonetown 2....but more content than a "orc smashing gay elf bashing and dick plants killing" game.......

[darius12]

Defend the game if you want, but I'm getting a little tired of people defending the game by saying it was never meant to be Bonetown 2, and it's just supposed to be a sexy spoof of WoW. That's not how they advertized the game. I fully thought this was supposed to be Bonetown in Space (granted with more fighting). The pre-release videos were 50-75% about the sex, so I therefore thought the game would (like Bonetown) be more about the sex than the fighting.

Regardless of what the game is, it seems pretty expensive when most people are finishing it so quickly - and don't quote "small company, lack of money" since Bonetown was much bigger and longer (even before the added content). At the very least, Bonetown allowed the game to be longer by having free roaming.

[KingKali]

amen brother!

[Korbe78]

you are ignorant. I know ppl who burn through the big named games (Skyrim,Dead Island,Call of Duty) in a day also. it's called too much red bull,too much free time & no pacimg urselves. it doesn't matter how 'big' a game is. if u have no life & all u do is sit there & burn through it then maybe u shouldn't be playing games at all. I blame this sudden zombieism lately. I watch my roomie burn through Saint's Row 3 in a week & i'm
sure if I ask him about it in a month he won't remember half of it. SO,
if u find that ur burning through shit & not remembering much be careful, you may be a zombie!

P.S. When did they ever promise free roaming? I never read that anywhere.

[KingKali]

buring through SR 3 in a week?BURNING?lalz...........hahahha

[HanPL]

@KingKali
Agree with everything you posted.
Like I wrote in my Beta Reviev and said that many times earlier.
BONECRAFT IS NOT WORTH 35$ and is far far far worst than BoneTown.
And I'm pretty sure that's the last od D-Dub game since no one will buy their next game (well maybe 2 "retards " that defend the game so badly )
But for now 8/10 people are disappointed with BoneCraft.

Also I don't understand wtf they made locations so small, they could just retexture BoneTown Locations (since they did that with 99% of the game ) and put them in game, fill with npc add collectables and that would improve gameplay a lot.
Instead we get 3 locations that size can be compared to first bonetown city.