My review of BoneCraft, and why it fails to deliver.

I was actually fairly excited to see what D-Dub was going to pull off next. I really enjoyed BoneTown and while BoneTown certainly wasn't a AAA game, it was still a fairly enjoyable experience all the way through.

With BoneCraft, I certainly expected improvements in comparison with your previous product, every developer or business should always want to improve on the quality and content of their products in order to build a customer base.

So, to break this down into an easy to read format, I'm going to be rating the game based on various criteria.

Graphical Quality 5/10

While the graphics were definitely improved upon it's predecessor in mild ways, the engine and graphical quality of the game largely remains the same from that of BownTown. Which were mediocre at best to lazy at worst. Much of the material is seen blatantly recycled from BoneTown presumably to same time during development. Though one must wonder why it even took as long as it did, seeing the large amounts of recycled content coming from BoneTown.

Sound Quality 7/10

The music in the game is actually pretty awesome. Whoever you folks got to do your audio tracks did a pretty decent job. The audio happens to be my favorite part of the whole thing actually but since this is a PORN PARODY of other video games, this is definitely not a good thing. Much of the action sounds were also blatantly recycled from BoneTown which hurts it's score in this department.

Game play 0/10

This game is not fun, and I think we all know why it's not fun. The game play was engineered to stretch out the same small pieces of content as much as possible. Having to do the same shit for rounds at a time is really boring and monotonous. The combat mechanics feel better then they did in BoneTown, but still plays largely like a broken piece of software. The amount of combat related glitches encountered were fairly staggering, the amount of glitches concerning NPC's were also staggering and at times game breaking. The programming for this is simply awful and barely playable at times a few missions requiring a restart on the WHOLE THING, just to fix it.

The Fucking 2/10

While it's funny to screw an elf chick the first time. It immediately becomes old and stale as nothing has been changed from BoneTown other then a few extra positions and some minor improvements to character models. The lack of actual options here is actually rather alarming. It seems like very little effort was put into this to actually improve upon what was done before. Being a PORN PARODY of other games, it's mind boggling that you folks could be okay with the amount of negligible content concerning the BONING in a game called BONEcraft.

Content 1/10

The lack of content in this $40.00 game is staggering. It's almost mind blowing that you folks can sleep at night pricing this game at 40 fucking dollars. The game takes 2-4 hours to finish. That is completely and utterly unacceptable. This isn't a game, it's a fucking $5.00 DLC. I mean, you folks seriously couldn't think of any better way to structure a game? The entire thing feels rushed and half-assed at times I felt like you guys literally didn't a give shit what you folks were doing. I realize you folks probably don't care about how the world or your customers feel about the quality of your products, as that's definitely the mentality that shows in your release here. The voice acting for Fort Worth was acceptable, passable at best, but what really hurt the character was the abysmal writing. I personally only found about 2 or 3 of the jokes humorous, the rest of it was simply abysmal. I actually found the impersonations of Bush and Bevis and ButtHead more entertaining then I did the main character.

Programming Quality 3/10

The AI seems to function a little better then it did in BownTown, but the amount of glitches encountered in the game was too many to count. But the biggest problem with this, is that despite the game looking like a mild face lift of BownTown, it runs like pure unadulterated shit on even a high end machine. I'm running an I7 with 8 gigs of DDR3 and I still faced some slow downs, and even momentary stops while doing certain missions. I don't know if it's a software conflict, or a driver issue on my end. But I expect a game that looks and is this simple, to not lag or freeze my gaming rig. It's abundantly clear that 3rd party games like this aren't going to run the best on a computer, but this is unacceptable. Memory usage needs to be heavily evaluated.

Final Thoughts

You've lost me a customer. And despite the promises of modding support being delivered in the future we did not pay 40.00 for a game WE HAVE TO FUCKING FIX OURSELVES. BownTown was actually a step in the right direction when it came to mixing in Humor and Adult Entertainment, BoneCraft pretty much undid any credibility you were beginning to build up with BoneTown. But that's the gamble I took with my money when I decided to buy it, despite all the negative comments spewing all over the internet. D-Dub you were very wise with how you decided to market the game. And Keeping the marketing as Vague as you did was a good decision. I was hoping people were judging the game unfairly, but I found out they were actually right. So fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Won't happen again, I promise.

Thanks for reading!
Deus_Ex